My Wife Journal #31

This Time of the Year

September 24, 2026 @ 9:49 p.m.

Song: You Know My Name Artist: Tasha Cobbs



    I have no idea why out of all songs that I could choose, I chose this song for tonight. But I remember the first time I heard this song around this same time of the year, and it broke me so deep inside around October 9, 2020, as I was driving to a relative's house to celebrate a birthday with family. And as I was driving this long distance, I decided to smoke and this song came on and I had an encounter so deep that a vision came to me that played out in real time in the following days but in this vision, it was someone different that I am close to. And from that vision I remember just deeply lamenting and crying deeply, and yes while I was high as a kite. Don't judge, God meets us where we are at, and thankfully enough I no longer indulge in those things. But I remember toward the end of me crying, there was a great peace that took over me, that later let me know that the vision was about my best friend that would be departing this world in the next few days. And all I could do after crying and wiping my tears was, just say the words, "okay". Not really knowing why I was saying okay, but I knew that it was something that was about to happen that I was going to need this peace in the coming days. When I got to my relatives house, I went to the spare room and went into prayer asking and pleading with the Lord that it not be the person in the vision that was given to me and to allow this person to call me as I don't have access to them to easily just call. And after spending time with family, I was in prayer for most of the night, with barely any sleep that night, I woke up still concerned and the next thing I know, I get a call from the person that I was asking the Lord to have call me. And of course that was a for sure relief, but a few hours later I get a call on Facebook, that my best friend is not doing well and they're not sure if she will make it, and on top of that she was in Vegas. 

    Now she decided to go on this trip at the last minute. Asked me if I wanted to go, but I decided not to go, not knowing that she was going to go ahead and go and not tell me. So, this was news to me that she was even out there. And I'm in shock at this point because as I'm also planning her birthday during Covid at a place she really wanted to be at and texted her like the day before everything and didn't get a response, I just knew something was off, and even more so when I got the call. So of course, I did what any friend would do, and I handled my kids with about an hour and 45 minutes to get a flight get to the house which was just about an hour away from where I was at, pack a bag and get on the last flight of the night, and made it to the airport with 10 minutes to spare. And just so happened to have enough credit on my southwest airlines account for a round trip. And I made it there with a pounding headache, praying and pleading with God. But I just knew that the vision that I had was about her, and that is why I had the peace I did. I truly believe that God was preparing me for this moment, without really knowing the details. It's like my spirit just knew, without knowing. And when I got there, I had nothing booked, barely any money to my name, but thankfully one of our other friends that we ran with, just so happened to be out in Vegas at the same time, and I just stayed with them and spent the last moments at my best friends bed side and held her hand and prayed with her although she was not coherent, until she coded. I was hurt, I was distraught, but I had peace. I smoked the entire time I was out there, barely ate and just needed to be by myself. 

    So, on October 11th is a different time of the year for me, along with other things that took place around this same time of the year. I'm not in a place of hurt of still grieving, although it took me a few years to finally just break down and get the crying out, and just really take everything in, because of so many things that happened during this time. On top of that, I was getting ready to graduate with my bachelor's and she had just gave me back my cap for graduation and ended up not being able to decorate it as a gift to me, and on October 2 2020 was the last time I saw her alive, and we spent hours together while I did her hair. This was a different kind of quality time, we laughed, we sang R & B songs, we made videos, we caught up on things that were taken place in our lives, and we just vibed for about 3-4 hours in my suite and just had a time, not realizing that I was doing her hair for her funeral. And yes, the style that I did on her in which she loved was the same style she had when she was laid to rest. 

    And when I think about it, I would have wanted to be the one to do her hair anyway, but I believe God knew to have me do it while she was still alive, because I'm not so sure I would be able to do it with her being gone. I think that would have done a great deal in me to where I may have not been able to get through it. So, I just believe, it was the best way to do it. And after her funeral, things of course where a lot different, I went to the range for the first time after this, and I tried to occupy my time, but this cut deep. But at the same time, I am grateful, because while this was painful, it also helped me to understand that I needed to really change. And, I was already doing the work at this time to change, but my best friend passing really made me just think about life and how we need to understand where we stand in Christ. The one thing none of us want to be told is, depart from me, I never knew you!!! DEEP SIGH!!! And yeah, those words coming from the Almighty will tear you up inside. And from there on I just started striving toward Christ not knowing what that journey would look like. 

    And of course, I'm in a much better head space now. Without her knowing, I believe she helped me because I haven't looked back since. Back to the world that is. I may have had some minor slip ups, but I always stayed focused on the Lord and got back on track with God to where now, I don't even take a chance. But to be honest, this is not what I was even going to journal about tonight, but I do understand the time of the year we are walking into, so I'm sure this was much needed in the hour we are in. As I do know that some of my journals are prophetic warnings also. But all in all, I will definitely save what I was going to journal on for another day. It was about what I am studying in the Bible now, which is geared around marriage. What I will say to my very near future husband is that you can thank my best friend for me getting closer to Christ. She helped me get there. Not the way I would have wanted it to be, but she definitely paved the way. I guess that is what best friends do, is get us to a place of betterment for ourselves. She was that friend, and I will always cherish our sisterhood. 

    Needless to say, this song really got me through some challenging times especially when this happened. This song hit me so deep that I even reached out to Tasha Cobbs on IG lol and told her how much this song touched my heart. I don't really cry when it comes on now, but as I'm listening to it now, it resonates with me, because HE KNOWS EACH AND EVERYONE OF OUR NAMES! AND THE LAST THING ANY OF US WANT IS FOR HIM TO NOT KNOW IT WHEN WE TAKE OUR LAST BREATH! IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT WE UNDERSTAND OUR NEXT BREATH IS NOT PROMISED TO NO MAN! Please don't wait to change, do it now, this world is getting worse with the wickedness and God is calling us to him, and you don't want to miss the mark. Repent!!! Repent!!!! Righteous indignation is at hand, no giant can defeat me, cause you hold my hand. Yes Lord!!! Thank you, Lord!!! There is none like you Father!!! thank you for life, thank you for the long suffering, thank you for growth, thank you for peace, thank you for a sound mind, thank you Lord. I am forever grateful to be a daughter to Most High God!!!! 

    As I was closing out in this entry, I started to immediately feel my stomach turning. So it is now 11:34p.m. And I can usually tell when something negative has been spoken over my life, because I will normally puke out of both ends and break out in hives. I'm only sharing this because this is just how it works spiritually. God has different ways of showing us when the adversary tries to attack. This time around, I got up and it only came from one end, but right after, I began breaking out in hives, so I started praying and binding things up, and got in the shower, and continued to pray and just as quick as it started it began to slow down as I started praising the Lord. I know that this ministry holds a lot of truth in my personal life and biblically. We as disciples of Christ have to be mindful of these things when we take up our Christ. This is not the easiest walk to take on, but I can honestly say it is the most fulfilling, with knowing your power and authority. And that is why I created my prayer journal called: Know Your Power & Authority. These same scriptures are the same ones I prayed on my flight to Vegas to see my best friend off. And as it was not the results I was hoping for, what I did find in all of this, is that those scriptures prepared ME for the strength I needed in order to get through the grief I would endure. 

    In the meantime, count it all joy, when you go through trying times, because in those moments of overcoming is when you see the true peace that God will always give even when we don't have all the answers. And that is exactly why we can depend on the Lord when we encounter the trials of life. So, in this hour, take heed, examine yourself. Are there some things you can change and make it right with the Lord? Does God approve of your lifestyle? If you said yes to the first question and no to the second, then let's take this journey together and ask the Lord to forgive you and ask how can I do better and lose the desires of this world. My prayer for the lost is that you come into true repentance to know the Father, before you take your last breath. 

    Outside of that, I am starting this next season in a Kairos moment, and in this next study I am coming into the understanding of what God really wanted when it comes to a husband and wife. And let me just say, the majority of the church has had it all wrong for so long, which has helped me to understand my walk with Christ even more as I draw closer to meeting my spouse. As I end this entry, I want to say this, Be blessed in all that God has given you, don't neglect the small things, for those could be seeds that are waiting to be watered, in ordered for them to come into their harvest season when the time is right. Be blessed my love and I will see you soon!!!

Signed,

Your Wife