Okay, so this is a little different for me, because I am so much of an introvert and private person that this is only by God’s doing. So of course thankfully, there will be things that you won’t know, Thank God! Lol. But any who, this journal I am doing for now, is for a few different reasons. One, because we need to have more Godly marriages that are solely centered around God. Another reason is because God has been pressing on my heart about this, and here I am obeying. Thirdly, I am walking this walk through the lens of how God sees his church as the bride, so in return I am showing you what it looks like for a bride that is getting ready for her groom.

                Now for the good part: so as I have been going on this journey of singleness now for almost two years in September of 2021, mentally way before that time, but I have been really intentional about my singleness and my walk with the Lord as a newly single woman that is now surrendered. In the beginning was the pain, the long suffering, the heart ache and also the healing process all wrapped up in one big chaotic blob filled with this undeniable peace. Around this time, I was not even remotely trying to be in any man's presence because I was focused in on God and plus, I was not in a position for that mentally, financially, all the above basically. The good thing about this particular time is that I was going through a refining stage and starting what I thought was really life before, all the way over. A lot of us think we know what life is all about, but really don’t have the slightest clue, reason why is because of how the enemy is able to cause havoc in someone’s life and they succumb to it. But that’s beside the point right now. Just to make a disclaimer (and you may see this disclaimer a lot as I think of things), but this is my Blog, so I am just journaling about how I feel, so no offense but this is my truth and I’m living it out through fear and trembling.

                Back to the good part: SO along the course of me walking in the wilderness I noticed that I was seeing how men from my past were coming back around like hitting me up back to back all in a short time frame. It was like wow, wait a minute this hasn’t  been happening until now. And even some of them threw out the “M” word because I would make it very clear where I stand. And at some point, I was like okay, something is not right because this is not a coincidence, so I shut everything down and now I am sitting here journaling. Well, I would say a few days ago, I started realizing how I have been more focused on my appearance. For instance, I am focused on doing more skin care, my figure, my weight, and just my overall look. And so, here I am today like mmm, why this? But a few weeks ago, I was starting to see how I was getting an urgency in my spirit to pray for my husband. And of course, this was after a few confirmations of other things as well. Which I will discuss along the way.

                Well, at this point I have been praying on some personal matters that has been dropping in my spirit to pray about. One of the biggest ones, is to heal from the inside out and to learn what true love is. That has been my biggest prayer for my husband. It almost feels like I know what he is going through if I could describe it. Its funny because, I feel like we have been through similar situations. I could be wrong, but I I’ll continue to pray because my logic is this, if I hadn’t been praying for a husband when I was highly focused in on God, then why am I feeling an urge to pray for a man in whom I’ve never met in the physical. So, I meditated on this and said this has got to be it!! Whoop, Whoop!!!! Ya, girl is ready, because I have done some thangs, they done some things and now I am here staying pure before the throne now. Hallelujah!!! God is REAL, BECAUSE BABY, I AM A LIVING TESTIMONY OF OVERCOMING PERVERSNESS!!!!

                But as far as praying for my future husband, I tend to pray when I get this urgency to pray and its always specific. And what the Lord showed me in doing all of this, or rather before I started actually interceding on his behalf, is that I know what it means to be a wife now, because I know how to be a bride to the kingdom of God first.  So, yes, I ran to the mirror, and I laughed, and I said ah man, my husband bout to get all of this now!!! Lol Again, this is my blog!! Let me speak my truth. Anyway, I just know that If I can do it, then you can to, because one thing about it is when you become one with God, you learn your identity in who you are. And one thing that comes out of that, is knowing what your weaknesses are, and honestly, MEN was one weakness for me!!!! But when you know who you are, you learn these things and start to set certain boundaries in place, to where you won't subject yourself to your weakness. Which means, there are certain things that I just won’t do.

                So anyway, like I gotta be honest, I’m like still trying to believe this all myself right now, because I have always dreamed of this. I thought 2010 was my year, and here we are 13 years later and finally READY! To really experience a God fearing marriage and for many years I thought what I was doing was for me, and it wasn’t. I come from a dysfunctional background, so when I became serious about God and let the men, the world, and all there is of the world go, I became intentional and that is why I also made a 5 day marriage devotional. And the number one reason why I know that what I am doing is of God, is because I have a certain knowing and peace about doing everything in this area. And it was marked that on the day that I made this 5 day devotional is when I knew that I was now in the stage of walking in a wife status. Which is the reason for noticing my appearance.

                This is not to say, that I don’t or hadn’t been more in tune with my appearance, but it’s like magnified times 10. I was banking on the fact that I was doing this because I am about to start teaching. Yes!!! Ya girl is a teacher, of the gospel, that is! I tell you, God has a sense of humor, because again I’ll be walking this teacher walk out in fear and trembling with God on my side. Like, I was about to leave out the other night, and I'll be honest I had on a fitted dress leaving out, (didn’t feel like changing so I threw a jacket on), my son comes out and says, “uh where you going?” I respond, “to do the Lord’s work”.  Which that was the truth. I have to be available for ministry at all times for what God has me to do in his kingdom. Of course, I’m sure God will alter some things when I officially become a wife and all.

                So, the inner core of me is doing this, because for some reason he is going to read these journals and it will help him to know me better, if ever I am not readily available for him. HE in my eyes will have something to fall back on. And since I wear many hats, I would like him to know that this was not a smooth walk in the park for me to get to this point in my life, I went through hell, maybe one day I’ll write about it, but as you can see I like to write, and maybe that will be a thing for us one day. Who knows! This is crazy, I can’t believe I’m even doing this, but this is my truth, let me live in my truth.

                As for the now, I don’t see myself letting this process go any time soon, because for me I believe that my husband will want to look at me and see that I love my body and want to make sure that I at least take into consideration that he may want to see me looking descent. So, what I’ve been doing all the way different is wearing a fitted dress or something just a little more fitting instead of the regular sweats and regular t. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not going to let go of the sweats, however; I will make sure there is a nice balance between the two. But right now, and as far as I see it, I have been game for doing my hair even if I’m not leaving out of the house, cook way more, in the gym, and praying for him. Cause when I tell you I was doing some extra stuff in the gym today that surprised me! Lol! So, this is very new for me, but it feels like I know exactly what I am doing and that is why I wrote the 5 day marriage devotional, primarily because if we know how to respect God and his kingdom than we know how to be a bride which is no different for the physical part of becoming a wife.

                It’s a really nice position to be in, when knowing that I am finally in this place to fulfill one of my many ministries and that is to be a wife. And what’s funny is that I kinda got everything already mapped out. I know some things will change, but I know one thing will remain, is that I know who my ring bearer will be!!! I can just see this person calling me now, saying “they would be honored” lol! I’m not going to say who it is right now; you’ll just have to stick around and see.

                Now the biggest question at hand is, do I know who my husband is?  Well, guess what stay tuned for the next blog of THE WIFE JOURNAL.

 

                But my ultimate goal with My Wife Journal, is to be transparent about this entire process for the next woman that wants the love that only God can produce through a God-fearing man, that knows the Lord. I can’t take this opportunity for granted so I want to embrace this and share the experience with you. One question I will answer is this, I do know that it is coming soon.! In my personal journal, which is just a fun fact, which was not too long ago before all of this was confirmed, I wrote that I wanted to meet my husband within 3 months. I wrote this because words have power whether on paper or spoken. Why do you think all prophecies were all spoken and written (Bible)? Which brings me to my last point, my journal line. It's called Vera Lane Collection on my linktr.ee/veralane. I am writer, I love to write, and been journaling since I could remember and for me it's also a release.

But back to the husband, so yeah, I am doing this, and my prayer is that you can do it to, just put God first and he will truly lead the way. So, let’s find out if this faith and knowing I have is correct. You guys stay tuned for my next Wife Journal.

 

See ya soon……